Deadly Bed Lizards of Belize!

Or – Excerpts From Our Honeymoon From Hell!

When we went to Belize for our honeymoon in 1990, Michele was probably expecting 2 weeks of relaxing snorkeling, beautiful flora and fauna excursions and a a lot of downtime. But that’s not me. And she should have known that because we had already had several adventures together where we arrived home more tired and exhausted than before we left. But this trip to Belize, even by my standards, was a bit too much, especially for a honeymoon.

In a matter of 14 days we had already experienced: me being mocked by Belizean custom officials for bringing in a diver’s knife (with calf-holster attachment,) a bat over the toilet in our bathroom (noticed after Michèle went potty,} an army of ants under our bed, a vulgar welcome at our Belmopan Inn (the guy just turned out to be some lunatic loitering at the entrance,) a surprise jungle detainment by the Belizean army, me jumping off a galloping horse, me getting thrown from a galloping horse (my fault, I was trying to ride backwards,) an allergic reaction to suntan lotion, a severe debilitating sunburn, a mosquito attack while illegally looking for Mayan artifacts, nearly getting caught at customs with aforementioned artifacts, and the lizard in our canopy headboard. Oh yeah, and our tongues inexplicably turned black for several days.

Videos of most of the above, or the ensuing aftermath, will be eventually posted, but for now, this clip is just a small snippet of our honeymoon from hell. Obviously there is nothing remotely deadly about this lizard, but I can assure you I had no idea at the time.

What is not on the video is when we first noticed the lizard. We were both laying down and I just saw this little lizard head staring down at me through the crack in the headboard. I’m sure my scream was heard throughout the Belizean rainforest, causing the wildlife to scatter.

Travel Tip: Don’t Sleep In a Bed With A Wicker Headboard…Especially On Your Honeymoon! Or, don’t go with me on your honeymoon! Either way.

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